I am a fierce and loyal friend who strongly believes that friendship is a two-way street. Just like more romantic relationships really in this way: if the effort is only coming from one person, the other is not participating in the friendship. So, if only one person is calling, texting, or emailing, it's not really a friendship. And sooner or later, usually sooner, the one person making the effort is going to stop. I have better things to do, other friends who actually demonstrate that they care, reciprocate the feeling that we are important pieces of each others' lives, and I'd rather tend to those relationships...and so this one will fall back to the acquaintance category. Lest my idealism completely carry me away here, the reality is we all end up playing phone tag (Kristy! I think we broke the record!), we all sometimes take a week (or more) to return a phone call, but the important thing is we DO return the call...or email, or text. We do make plans together, we do visit each other, and most importantly, we drop everything and go running when a friend is in crisis.
So I guess that's my definition of a friend...anything else is more of an acquaintance. Someone in the outer rings of my social sphere, perhaps because I don't know them that well, perhaps because they're good for a night out but not for when you desperately need help to move, or perhaps because I would have liked to be friends but it wasn't a two-way street...so when we meet up, we meet up, it just sort of happens. They're not too up on the details of my life and vice versa, it's more of a happy go lucky social thing, and I'll see you again when I see you.
I have lost track of good friends from childhood, high school and college. In some cases, we grew apart, in others we moved apart and did not keep in touch well enough, and in one rare case, I reached out to a particular friend in a time of need and they could not find the time to respond. Some of these lost friends I'd love to find again (Dan being one recently re-found, see my blog about him below) and some I guess I'm not all that bothered about losing. There's a frame hanging on my wall, with a saying that reads: "Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some people stay for awhile, and give us a deeper understanding of what is truly important in life. They touch our souls. We gain strength from the footprints they have left on our hearts and we will never be the same." And I see that applying to both people who have humbled me, and those who have hurt me, I've gained a deeper understanding from both. The letting go of a friend can be easy, something perhaps you don't notice happening until it's too late (and their email/phone/address etc has changed), or it can be hard, most of the time not intentional...but regardless in the end, everything happens for a reason.
I have been blessed with amazing, caring friends, through good times and bad, and to Jenn, Viv, Kristy, Carla & Brian, Caitie, Nicole, Tress (we're working on it), Jennie, and Maja... "you just call out my name, and you know wherever I am, I'll come runnin', to see you again. Winter, spring, summer or fall, all you've got to do is call. And I'll be there, yes, I will, you've got a friend." Thank you all for your friendship, I treasure it every day, and wonder at my good fortune.
Viv and me in Atlantis, Dec 2005
Kristy and Me, Rhodos, Greece, 2004
PS- Not to be disrespectful to my family, extended and immediate, and my two additional sets of parents...you know you mean the world to me, and I don't know what I'd do without you. all my love.
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