From Mom #3, this is great

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K> 8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%*

and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E> 11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,*A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E> 1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T> 2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G> 1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While *Hard work* and * Knowledge will get you close, and** Attitude** will get you there, it's the **Bullshit* and* ** Ass kissing* that will put you over the top.

What's in a month? A month by any other name...

For a laugh--I suppose this has something to do with signs of the zodiac? I have all the rest of the months as well, but I'm not going to post them all here. If you're curious and want to see your birthday month, let me know, I'll forward you the email.

JANUARY=SHYNESS
Fun to be with. Loves to try new things. Boys/girls LOVE you. You are very hot. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tense. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional, temperamental, and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats other equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Always broods about the past and old friends. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt and takes long to recover.

I love these--

"Look at you, you Nice-ish thing

To all appearances you’re a nice enough sort, but scratch the surface and there it is— a bit of the naughty itching to get out. (Pardon the pun, but that’s just the kind of thing you nice-ish folk are into, isn’t it?) You can be trusted in most public situations, but once behind closed doors—heaven only knows."

I'm a member of the Virgin Atlantic flying club, and built up a fair amount of miles over the years, especially during the four years my parents were living in England. I was in Oxford for one term in the winter of 2004, and after I left, I came back almost immediately to visit in May '04, using 50,000 miles to avoid having to pay for my ticket. Except they never took those miles from my account (wahey!!!!), and I am now using them for the second time to go home for the holidays, since my ticket was so last minute and I couldn't afford the fare otherwise. Anywho, Virgin sent me an email to take their Naughty or Nice quiz, and the results are as above. A fair assessment I would say ;) Here's hoping they forget to take the miles out of my account again this time...

Straight No Chaser (name of the group) & "12 Days"

Ok, even if you are not a big fan of a cappella, you have GOT to watch this video, all the way through. Believe me, it's worth it, I PROMISE. (Oh, and click stop on my MP3 player to avoid competing audio, ugh.)



And if you liked that, check out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKx_BTj_-IE

Inner Peace

"I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following this simple advice I heard on the Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started and never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel. Please pass this on to those you feel might be in need of inner peace."

Hahahaha! Courtesy of Jean Aveyard (Mom #3)

Trick or Treat!

A la Billy Madison...check out the interactive flaming bag of poo . Thanks to Don Heilala.

Which "Scrubs" character are you?

http://scrubs.mopnt.com/fun/personality/

Apparently I'm JD. I suppose that's better than coming up as Elliot ;)

Security Terror levels

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.

Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate."

The raised level was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

(LOL. Courtesy of my Aunt Grace)

Politics

Every time I pick up a paper these days, there's more noise about which politician has done what to get himself noticed as a candidate for the next Prime Minister of Britain...and given the scandal and corruption that has also been all over the news, I was laughing my butt off at the following joke from Mom #2:

Max the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs.

The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced. That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.

Each bell had a different tone so Max could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.

The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch; a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning Max noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

Max went to investigate. The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover.

But to Farmer Max's amazement, Butch had his bell in beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

Max was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair and Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges, The result...The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded the "Pulletsurprise" as well.

Clearly Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them when they weren't paying attention?